The Tm8o Patch

Get it? Like, Falling Down, only.....Well...yeah. *Lame!*

I'm gonna put it right out there: Autumn is indeed the best season ever. It evokes so many modes of moods. In the course of this particular day, I have felt snuggly, saddish, thoughtful, introspective, sensual, outward-looking.....I could really go on and on.

It's rainy and gloomy outside, and I feel it pulling on me...but I don't care. That's why Autumn is magic.

I did some yarning yesterday...got some stuff for some new projects. It really was a nice experience this time, because I didn't go in with my "Knitter" persona on. Don't know why I feel like I need that costume sometimes...I guess it's still a fun little sheild that I play with. But I went as myself...and actually talked to people. It felt good. Like I might actually have the potential to make some friends out in the wide wide world, even though I consider myself to be a bit too awkward for public consumption most of the time. I mean, really, who would want to have a conversation full of off-kilter non-sequitor statements? That's difficult for the normies to process!

It was pretty cool, though. And when I got home, Elli asked if we could go yarnng on Friday. I, of course, said "Of Course!" Her friend Leah (who is the first person that may actually purchase one of my knitbits - the HalloWig - which is awesome) will be going along. I told them, really, I will knit them whatever they want...as long as they purchase the yarn. Famous Last Words, I'm sure.

The good thing is: I want to. See, a couple of weeks ago, I was a friggity-frazzled mess. Has anything changed? No. My house is still a clutter bomb (the "please for the love of all that's sacred, help me clean by putting your crap away" having little to no effect on the recipient of said plea. The Stove still has cat hait spackled to it with bits of cookery crap. There are still 8 pairs of shoes under the coffee table that belong to the same person, and popcorn on the floor from...sometime last week...I think.

But I can't. I simply can't I may take care of it this Sunday when I am alone for a bit. Then again I may not.

All because of the ebb and flow of Autumn.

I have much too much to be pensive about right now. And the eccentric thinker is allowed to have clutter.

I love Therapy.


No really, I do. But I'm also a serial quitter when it comes to certain things that push me to peek behind my well-constructed and time-proven walls. In my history of mental, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse (and the persistant self-flaggelation that I have inflicted upon myself due to such events), I have mown through no less than 10 psychotherapists. I tend to quit when it just starts getting really juicy.

Not this time.

And OH, GODS is it brutal. Because I like my walls. My walls are pretty, and within them all is safe. But that's not entirely true, is it? Because it is inside of those walls that I have nurtured the fear and turned it into perfectionism and allowed isolationism. Which has all seemed very nice until lately, because that's controlled, right? What happens if your self lets your SELF get out of its grasp?

So I'm doing something really unusual. I'm listening to my therapist. I'm doing all of those (formerly perceived as silly) homework projects...because I genuinely want to live without walls. The constant re-spackling and mortaring is exhausting.

And I hope it's worth it.

Ah, the trials and tribs of sharing with my child. The thing is...I'm tapping my foot, kinda digging it. The other thing is...there's such a better selection of pop and amalgamated poppish these days as opposed to when I was tweening. Then again the word 'tween' did not exist when I was doing that age group. 

I poked a weird and gooey spot in my knitter's brain today: I almost prefer reading and talking about knitting to the actuality of the thing. Or so it would seem, considering I have been poring over all sorts of stash-busting patterns without ever handling my yarn. 

I've been gaining in confidence with the knittyness lately, which is pretty fun. I just finished felting my colorblock bag, and am preparing to attach my first iCord (yes, I have to make the i little...I'm a commercially brainwashed whore of societal....stuff), which was so much fun to make that it ended up being like eight feet before I finally called it quits. 

But. I still have mild knitter's anxiety when I look through those pattern books. Books that claim to be full of easy beginner patterns, then casually throw in things like Fair Isle and intersta--whateva. I'm lucky if I can get the next ball of yarn going when I run out of the first one. I mean, I can, it's just that...well, the other stuff just makes me feel knistupid. I don't 'see' how it works yet. But there's just such cute stuff, and I feel limited by my hesitation. But I'm already trying new things...I'm working on a cowl-hood thing right now that has me striping with chenille. Harder to work with than I thought it would be.

Ok. Can I just say that now Avril is rocking in my ears? I want full custody of my iPod! But, then again, Avril has a particular strong girl thing that I really can get behind. I'd rather El emulate her than Amy Winehouse! Who, incidentally, I put on the Pod. *snicker*

The walk-thru at Elli's middle school is in 13 days. All kinds of feelings kicking around about that, that's for sure. She and I have been fake-shopping through catalogs for clothes and the what not. It's really cool to watch her personal sense of style evolve. Last year she kinda had this sporty jock with a dash of goth peppered in for good measure. Now, however, she's drawn to a good amount of the same stuff as I am - eco-friendly statements and styles. She's been working on stitching patches on a pair of abused jeans from underneath so the colors peek through the holes. We're cutting up some of my 80s and 90s "fashions" (good riddance to that crapola. Did I really wear neon with that much pride? *sigh* Yes, I suppose I did) And she's going to lengthen them with some great fabric from a much loved flounce sleeve blouse I used to have. Let's call it hippy-chic. Or, as I believe the mags are calling it Boho.

Course, my Gram confuses that with Hobo...then it all goes astray!

The unfortunate side effect of all of this bonding (if there must be one...) is that she needs fiber crafts to complete her look. I now have hats, calorimetries, wrist warmers, leg warmers, hell ELBOW-warmers (wha??) on my to do list.

Who knew knitting was fashionable for the iCarly set?

Hello, Friends and Neighbors!

I've not really been visable online lately. It's probably not been overly noticeable in the grand scheme of things...but I've been feeling it. To be honest, I've not been knitting a lot, reading a lot, or anything else, really. Been mostly sleeping. But that's OK.

I went on a float trip with the family over the past weekend, and it really cooked my metaphysical goose. When I got back...I slept for 26 hours straight! Thank the heavens that I have such an understanding fam. They just checked in every now and again, then let me continue my hibernation.

I actually brought knitting with me on the float (not on the raft...that would just be silly), and I learned a most important lesson: never, NEVER knit by campfire light. I thought for certain that I was doing just fine. As is often the case...those are the words of prophetic doom! I ended up with the sloppiest, lop-sideyest, crooked arse tam hat anyone has ever seen. Suffice to say, it doesn't even deserve an 'Ugh!' on Ravelry. I just need to find a friend with an enormous, lopsided head! Cant really frog it, as I finished it off there....so. Oh well.

At any rate, with everything that is going on right now, I may be in and out and around. I'm also going through a particularly viscious run of Harvest Moon on the GameCube that is taking up an inordinate amount of time...so, um, yeah. geekdom rules.

Finally, I'd like to send a virtual condolance hug to my step-siblings - Liz, Jimmy, and Kurt. Their mother passed away suddenly this past Saturday. Thoughts and comfort to them. 

I feel the need to drop a line or two about what is going on in my little corner of the world right now....the stuff that is indirectly related to knitting in a rather bizarre fashion.

As you (who AM I typing to? the blog itself? the readers?*sigh*I'll never know).....*ahem* As you may or may not know I belong to the lovely tribe of Crohnie. Not meaning I am old and haglike (as the spelling would be different), but that I have an interesting intestinal inflammatory disease known as Crohn's. I won't go into details, you may look it up if you haven't heard of it. Suffice to say that it is a genuinely crappy piece of bodywork.

---forgive me, I'm a bit grumpy---
---not in a cute Disney-esque way---
---unless you count Eeyore---

---enough already---

My membership in the club is currently quite active, too active for my tastes really...it's a bit out of my control. Major medical overhaul is taking place, which is grand in the sense that I will have plenty of time for knitting, but rather hellish in the sense that I shall be poked and prodded with a number of stainless steel objects and not a few lengths of flexible tubing.

I'm freaked out, edgy, and not able to work...which means that I am knitting like a banshee. (do banshees knit? do they scream when they do it?) I have finished two hats, and am well on my way past half of a bag that I'm planning on felting. I want to get the pics up on Ravelry, but I haven't yet. It seems my comfy chair and the porcelain pedestal are my coziest companions at the moment. (not true. family is awesome. jason's new to this biz, so he's a bit freaked. elli is doing what she does...taking it all in stride and coloring with me a lot).

It's crappy, though...if you'll pardon the expression. It's the waiting game that stinks the most. I got my CaT scanned today...(sorry Dodger, but that's a visual I'd LOVE to see for real). And now I wait. Doc looks at that, says "Hmm..." and then schedules a colonoscopy and upper. So I know it's coming, just don't know when. 

And there are other...complications. I went to my general prac for a routine 'Well Woman' exam (gone are the days when they send you your annual PAP card in the mail). Before we got down to gloves, I described some unusual symptoms that I have been having...turns out I didn't get that routine peck and peek (c'mon, you know it looks like a duck). Now, NOW!! (sense my exasperation and fear through the keyboard) I have to get my plumbing fully checked (who knows what that entails) for something....wait for it...CROHN'S related!!! Stay in my intestines, you stupid ass gnome!! *breathing breathing breathing* So. Well. I may have a fistula. That links from there *points* to there *points again*. I'm not going to draw a diagram, but all it sounds like to me is surgery.

Again.

Now, I'm not going to be a Negative Nellie (apologies to anyone named Nellie)...so it might NOT be. It might not. And that would be great grand friggin' speccytacular. But if it isn't that, what IS going on? And what's up with my gut? And how scary are Remicade infusions? I hate not knowing. I'm a control freak, if that isn't blatantly obvious...and not knowing sends me off the edge. And the edge is right there *points yet again*.

OK, so I have used up my parenthetical and asteric-iccal limit for this entry. I shall be madly clicking away in some form or another, either with needles or with keys for the next few weeks. Good thing my Momma gifted me with that crazy interchangeable circular needle thingie from Boye. That sucker rocks the hut. I need to cast on enough to fill all the cables it came with.

I may be back to fret, but I'll keep it PG-13. You'll have to Google the rest *wink*

So, I decided that knitting is not defusing sweating dynamite. How 'bout that! And I grabbed those circular needles. And I knit a swatch based on the specs for The Basic Roll Brim Hat pattern in Crazy Aunt Purl's book.

Then I started the Hat !!!!! My very first thing not on straight sticks!

And I almost finished that baby in a night!!

Holy crispy cat poo, circular knitting just FLIES! I mean, I was just goin' to town and a hat appeared. And when I accidently picked up my knitting in the wrong direction and went for a row or two and then realized that I was inside out...I didn't freak! I said, "Hey. OK. Well, now I just have a stripe of a different pattern." I knitted a bit further, flipped it the other way and went right on going! I'm starting on my decreases now, but I'm on hold bc I don't have any DPNs to close it off. But...

My mom is taking me yarn and etc. shopping for my birthday tomorrow!! Whoo hoo!! So I'll have my first hat done by tomorrow night (I know I'll be up knitting after the awesome dinner we're going for...yum Japanese fusion) 

I'm compiling a list of essentials tonight so that I don't get too far off track with the shopping. I need to make sure that I have a few projects in mind: Like those arm warmers and leg warmers that El wants, or more hats, or...I don't know! 

I feel INVINCIBLE!!!

....done anything with those circulars yet. *grumble grumble*

As I weebled and wobbled my way a-grocerying today (guts were being a pain in the arse), I noticed and reflected upon a multitude of things, some of which were quite interesting and amusing. I shall give you a sampling of, say, Five:

               * Grocery Stores are quite dangerous for those of us with spatial awareness issues. I don't talk on my cell when I'm doing stuff. Call me Puritanical, but I don't like to access or be accessible to people when I am paying attention to important things, like how much money I am dropping on produce. I am a dying breed it would seem. I may look like a frightened piece of potential roadkill when I am peeking out from between aisles, but believe me...it is essential to my survival. The Phonies are out to get me.

            * My family really, really, REALLY, likes liquids. As I am mentally adding, I took inventory. It was a jaw-dropping realization. Here goes: Orange Juice, Cranberry Juice, Lemonade, Skim Milk, Soy Milk, Chocolate Soy Milk, Chai Tea Concentrate, Iced Tea in bottles, 5 Gatorade Liter Bottles, 2 - 12 packs of Coke, Starbucks 4 pack Latte (a personal gift to myself for having to lug all this into the apartment), and a new jug of water. And there are only 3 of us. My poor bags.

          *Speaking of which, I've been wondering when the bag re-use thing is really going to catch on. With the cashiers, I mean. that's why I always loved Aldi...you HAD to bring your bags in, or you were out there on the sales floor, re-arranging their canned food area so that you would have some boxes to carry your food home in...or you would have to BUY bags. But when I go to your ordinary average grocery store and set my canvas togs up on the counter and help out with the bagging, the cashier and bagger were completely flummoxed, then oddly offended-seeming. The solution: Pack those canvas bags so oddly that the strongest camel couldn't lug these babies to my front door. And I'm on the bottom floor.

               *When Elli was five, she asked me why the word 'sex' was on the cover of practically every magazine cover. That was almost 7 years ago...I still don't have an answer. My inkling is that these magazines are placed there to make my kerchief-headed, sleep-poofy,  limping self feel even more disgusting than I already do. Thanks, mag people!

               *Finally, and this is the most pertinent to this particular blog, I yelped at the poor nice boy who was bringing in the carts today. OK, so all of my observations had made me a little wonky and high-strung, but he was just being helpful...right? Well here's the thing: I had gotten all of my groceries out of the cart and into the car, I reached for the strap of my purse just as the young man grabbed the handle of the cart....I looked down at the bottom of the cart and my brand new, first pair of circulars (that I purchased from Knitty Couture just before my grocerying) had slid out of my bag and were in danger of dropping to the pavement below!!! So I YELPED! Hey, it got his attention.


The needles were saved. The boy most certainly did NOT understand. But the circulars, upon which I will knit my first 'thing that is not a scarf' are safe. They sit on my lap now, coaxing me to do magical things with them. 

I am keeping them near me because proximity to a thing often reduces one's fear of said thing.

So I'm getting more organized now. That's good. I find that being organized helps with the ol' noggin. And not in the chaotically organized way that some of y'all can do. Nuh-uh. That is so not me. "A place for everything and everything in its place."

But it's nice to go through the stash that I have and realize that I fell into the knew knitter trap: I have a sheet-ton of novelty eyelashy yarns with no labels. I spent HOURS looking through Ravelry's archives under 'fuzzy', 'eyelash', 'novelty'. Nada. I cannot find these blasted yarn balls names! And I just wanna know them so that I can find out what other people did with them so I can get them out of my stash. Because really, that's all that's in there. And I don't want to make any more scarves *sob* I'm ready. Praise Belly, I am ready. 

(Um...about the Belly thing. Yeah. I don't really "pray" per se. Not an organized religion sort of gal. But as I have Crohn's Disease and my gut is truly the Center of My Universe...I have taken to communing with it. Hence: Praise Belly.)

But all that floofy stuff has got to go. Or find another better use. Something trimmy. Or something. I don't even know. but ever since I started on the Stole of Soothing Goodness, I realized I like the feel of something a little heftier in my hands. 

I'd kinda like to try a bag next. Or a hat. I don't know that I'll succumb to the Sock monster, because...well...I don't wear socks. I might, might, wear stripey knee socks with my combat boots if properly motivated, though....

Oh, no. I never should have even gone there with my brain...

*sigh*

It is bizarrely empty in here.

*ahem*

This blog is primarily about the knitting stuff. If some personal ~bleurgh~ gets in here as well, you can blame the Toast guy up there...he'll let anyone in.

Right now, I'm still getting organized. So when I am, I'll be back.

Yes, of course I will.

Jeez.